Thoughts of Chairman Meow

Archive for March, 2017


Mother is ever so slightly pissed. Been to see Granny this morning.  Sitting in the car just about to pull off when some tw*t drove past at speed and knocked her wing mirror into smithereens. Quick witted as ever, she took the number plate details, and headed off in pursuit. 

Unsuccessful, she returned to the scene of the crime to pick up the bits when a small lad announced that he knew where the irresponsible shite lived. So, off Mother went, knocking on doors until she found the culprit. Bit stupid of her really as it ain’t the most salubrious area – but she found the bloke and, unless he claims that his car was driving itself when the insurers talk to him (which he didn’t at the time, he admitted to driving it, but said his music was so loud he didn’t hear the bloody great big earth shattering clunk. Thank the Lord he didn’t hit a small child), it looks like she’s going to get it sorted. Either that or she’s going to have to exact her revenge another way, as she can be a vindictive sod. 

And to add insult to plastic and glass injury, I brought home a blackbird. It was a present I thought she could put with the other three and twenty and bake in a pie. She wasn’t impressed. 

I worked hard to get that bird. All that stalking and concentration. You can’t just go into Marks and Spencer and pick one up in the food hall you know…… 


On the run

This week has seen Mother’s first foray into the world of independent work for 8 months. And I have been left on my own at night for a bit for the first time ever……

Being the ever resourceful animal always on the lookout for a break, imagine my joy when, 30 seconds after she’d gone through the front door, I discovered that the cat flap wasn’t locked. What’s a cat to do except go through it?  So off into the night I went……

I’m not allowed out at night. Days can bring freezing cold, blizzards, wind, rain or sunshine and I get shown the door. The minute the sun goes down over the yardarm I have to come in. So imagine my joy at being able to experience a night on the tiles. Or on the fence in my case. 

I didn’t build the tsunami effect of my Auntie Julia into the equation though. She came to put me to bed and nearly blew a gasket when she couldn’t find me indoors. She even checked under the bath. When she realised I wasn’t in the house she had a small attack of the vapours and then found me outside. My prison break was over

Short lived but sublime. 

And I’ll have to wait til I’m old and grey for the next one. 

What does a guy have to do to get parole?……..

Issue Forth

Tonight is the occasion of the Big Issue Night Walk in London to raise funds for and awareness of the plight of the homeless. Several miles of trudging about in the cold and the rain, which, fortunately for those involved, comes to an end after a few hours. Something not afforded to those living on the streets. 

So. Next time you come across somebody sitting in the doorway of Marks and Spencer’s with nowt but a sleeping bag and a piece of cardboard to lie on, give a thought to helping ’em out. Buy a drink or a sarnie. Stop and have a chat. Or just smile. We don’t know what circumstances conspired to force them to make a home in a doorway. 

And then you can go and sit in your warm house with your cup of tea and feel just a little bit good about yourself……

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