Thoughts of Chairman Meow

Archive for May, 2016

Old bugger

Her indoors celebrates her burfday today and is now officially retired. 

I’m still sulking from being left behind all weekend whilst Mother was head-banging to Bohemian Rhapsody on a coach full of mad cat people. I should point out that by mad cat people I mean people who’re mad about cats, not people who have any form of mental infirmity. Glad I got that cleared up. Although there have been times when Mother could have had a foot in either camp, however I suspect that saying goodbye to the NHS may have a small restorative effect in the bonkers department. 

She is off out for afternoon tea later, another event to which I have not been invited although I admit that I definitely would have had trouble with the finger sandwiches. Seeing as I haven’t got any. 

Fingers that is………


Pooper Scooper

Today, I have been for my check up following my surgery in March – I am officially discharged as I am fully recovered. Something for which Mother is eternally grateful. 

Aside from the astromical cost (forget Brexit, my  health problems are the only thing which negatively effect the economy in this house), Mother is brassed off with cleaning up shite. All over the carrier, up me legs, down me back, in the bath. Forget being a cat. Mother says that I have the alimentary canal of an elephant.

This’ll be Jumbo signing off then…..

New beginnings

Mother passed her State final exams 30 years ago today. And as of next Tuesday she won’t be a registered nurse anymore. 

Goodbye to 30 years of NHS bureaucracy, several thousand pens worth of ink, half a rainforest worth of paper, years worth of wasted time either doing stuff that wasn’t really necessary or waiting for things to change, at least 100 times when she’s been blamed for summat she didn’t do and several million words worth of saying ‘haven’t we tried this before?  It didn’t work then’.

On the plus side we have many episodes of patient advocacy, multiple occasions of easing pain and suffering (both staff and patients) and lots of great relationships with the thousands of people she’s worked with. 

So as we move forward to a new, lazy, non confrontational period of her life she asks that we remember one thing…..

Look after nurses. They stop doctors killing you……….


While I’ve been away, we’ve had the sad news about  Victoria Wood’s death. The woman who gave us a whole new way to look at women’s periodicals, male voice choirs, pipe lagging and  grouting the bathroom. 

Not to mention red cabbage, the sartorial attributes of Building Societies and the humorous use of the long vowel (have you seen my friend Kimberley? She’s really, really taaal). 

The real genius of the woman was her ability to find funny stuff in mundane, everyday things. And manipulate the language in a very clever way.  

It would have been her birthday yesterday. Treat God to a raspberry yoghurt….

Happy Ending

I’m back….. After several weeks in the blog wilderness I have returned with a vengeance to celebrate Mother’s retirement. Well, we say it’s a retirement. She’s on leave until the 30th so technically they could call her back in. I fear that there are not enough words in the swearing vocabulary which would appropriately describe her reaction. The overal gist would be ‘not on your life’.
The last few shifts did not pass without some remarkable events. The first of which being when a patient described Mother as ‘a Christian with a drink problem’. Wrong on both levels really. She has absolutely no problem when opening the wine bottle. And ‘lapsed Methodist’ describes her current religious status. Not that either are anything to do with the patient. I am just glad that the little duck didn’t think Mother was an atheist. They’d have been stoking the fires of hell in preparation for her arrival……..
The second remarkable event was Mother being accused of wrongdoing by a partner agency when she wasn’t even on duty. As far as she knows, she doesn’t sleepwalk. She has asked for a full, suitably grovelling apology written in the blood of the accuser which will be framed and put in the upstairs lav. Or an email will do. Whichever ‘s easiest……..
Will be back soon blog fans with more tales from the retirement home………..

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