Thoughts of Chairman Meow

Archive for October, 2015

No brainer

According to today’s paper, Mother has a ‘male brain’. This is because she makes lists, likes non-fiction, can read maps and thinks that people who misuse the apostrophe should be shot. Apparently to have a female brain, she would have to mourn the passing of smoke signals as a communication device (for this read ‘hate technology’) and fail to remember what happened in 1066 (anybody acquainted with Mother will acknowledge that she is a mine of, frequently useless,historical information).

 Women with male brains allegedly earn more that those with female brains. 

Mother would like the NHS to know that she is owed a 6.3% pay rise. Otherwise she’s not turning that computer on again…….

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Where you at??

Imagine the scene. A dark, rainy night. The lone health worker driving up and down the street looking for a house.  Her efforts are in vain.  With cavalier disregard for her safety she gets out of the car. She is very wet. She notices a dim light behind a hedge. She follows the star (well it is nearly Christmas). She finds a the face of a carer peeping out of the door and heads for the warm and shelter of the stable (getting a bit carried away now…..).

The carer says that she, too, had problems finding the house. She ended up knocking next door before she was redirected. And then she says something which very much defies belief. ‘I thought that somebody you were working with would have been before and told you where to come…..’

Why didn’t she bloody say when she rang up to ask for the visit!!

Mother will really miss this when she retires. Not…..

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Sid

In the news. Our local hospital Trust is millions in the red and is going to cut staff. They want nurses to be ‘more productive ‘. I suppose that means shoving a brush up your arse and doing the cleaner’s job as well. And perhaps a bit of baking in the day room. Got to keep people fed. And don’t forget knitting bandages. With your feet. While you’re on the lav…..

Also this week. The CQC say that 75% of all NHS Trusts are not providing a safe, quality service to the public.

I give it six months. Then 100% of Trusts will be unsafe because they’ve cut so many bloody staff.

Mother has been asking to be made redundant for ages. It ain’t happening. But in just over 7 months she’s going anyway. Think of it as her contribution to the budget deficit…

And a HUGE benefit to her…

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In the news. Our local hospital Trust is millions in the red and is going to cut staff. They want nurses to be ‘more productive ‘. I suppose that means shoving a brush up your arse and doing the cleaner’s job as well. And perhaps a bit of baking in the day room. Got to keep people fed. And don’t forget knitting bandages. With your feet. While you’re on the lav…..

Also this week. The CQC say that 75% of all NHS Trusts are not providing a safe, quality service to the public. 

I give it six months. Then 100% of Trusts will be unsafe because they’ve cut so many bloody staff. 

Mother has been asking to be made redundant for ages. It ain’t happening. But in just over 7 months she’s going anyway. Think of it as her contribution to the budget deficit…

And a HUGE benefit to her mental health…

Tight Arse

Mother has been watching University Challenge where a woman is studying for a MD in ‘Sphincter Preservation’. 

What on earth makes up a 2 year course on a topic which can be succinctly put as ‘keep your knickers on’?

Also on this programme was a woman doing a PhD on ‘the lapdog in the 18th Century. Here’s Mother’s effort:-

‘It sits on your knee until feeding time and then gets off. If it’s a Yorkie you’re OK, if it’s a St Bernard you’ll never walk again’. The End

Can she have that Doctorate now?……..

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