Thoughts of Chairman Meow

Archive for June, 2015

Infamy, infamy

Mother has been watching a programme examining the interviews of the late Kenneth Williams, a witty, but obviously tortured soul.  

She has stolen, and slightly changed one of his comments which she feels perfectly describes the dichotomy between management and grass roots staff in the NHS…

NHS managers are like eunuchs in a harem. They see a lot of stuff going on around them but haven’t the slightest idea of how to do it themselves…..

I’m here all week folks…….


I’m back – again

Been missing for a bit because we have had no phone line for five days. Would have been four days but it took Mother 24 hours to get through to Sky.

There are a few benefits to not being able to sit in front of the telly and slob about on the Internet. Not spending money on Amazon is one. More free cash for cat food. Result!

And before you say I could have posted using Mother’s trusty iPhone, no I couldn’t. The bloody thing kept trying to connect to the house internet unless you walked up the street and forced it to find the 3G thing. 

I can’t do that. Might get mugged…..

Shut up

I can always tell when she’s in one. It’s the general feeling that she might kill somebody that gives it away. 

Today, a friend of Granny’s said ‘In three weeks time we will be in Istanbul. Mother, quietly seething in the corner thought ‘ in three weeks time I shall be in f**king Stoke where I always am’. Then ‘have you ever been to Rome?’, followed by Mother announcing ‘why would I have been to Rome?  I never go anywhere’ (day trips don’t count) whilst silently thinking ‘ shut up bitch before I rip your head off and shit in your neck.’ See, I told you violence was involved. 

So, any of Mother’s close circle who are planning their adventures abroad, please take note that she wishes you all a very splendid time, hopes the weather is lovely and trusts you will come back safe. However, keep your stories and pictures to yourself. Rubbing it in is not big and it’s not clever.  Otherwise she will take a long walk along the canal, take 1000 pictures (God bless the digital age), tie you to a chair and make you view them all.  Twice…..

Double Agent

in the news today stories of how much agency nurses cost the NHS. Jeremy Hunt is going to cap the amount spent on them. This is a bit like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted. And now I will tell you why:

If the NHS actually valued the staff it’s got instead of working them into the ground and treating them like rubbish perhaps people wouldn’t be so desperate to either leave or retire. Especially when you consider that some of the ones who leave go and work for the agencies and get £100 an hour doing exactly the same work as they did before they left. Mental use of funds if you ask me. 

If the Government gave NHS staff a decent payrise, that might go a small way to negate the effects of all the stress they are under. Although I doubt it. 

What is the Government going to do in five years time when a lot of experienced staff have retired and there is no one coming up the ranks to replace them? Why’s that, you ask. Because all the foreign recruits will have had enough and gone home and we won’t have trained enough nurses of our own. 

Dear Jermy, 

Mother has a knitting pattern for a nurse doll. Best get them needles working. It may be your only hope……..

Cereal killer

On Granny’s shopping list today were ‘chocolate Coco Pops’. Mother doesn’t know why she needed to add the ‘chocolate’ bit because, by definition, Coco Pops have cocoa flavouring in them..

After all, a Coco Pop without cocoa is a Rice Krispie…….

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