Thoughts of Chairman Meow

Archive for December, 2014


In the Telegraph today, ‘Two-year-old boy shoots dead mother in Idaho’. Not wishing to detract from the seriousness of the fact that a toddler was able to get a concealed weapon from his mother’s bag and shoot her stone dead, Mother still wishes to criticise the journalists at the Telegraph for the grammatically incorrect headline. According to them, the woman was already dead before she got shot. Try ‘2 year old shoots his mother dead’ you morons….

On another topic, Granny is mortified that baby Oleg has been left behind in Africa. Mother has been shouting ‘it’s a puppet!!!’ to no avail.

Anyway, Happy New Year to all my followers and friends. Don’t get too sloshed……xx


Snow fun

Well, it’s finally snowing. Too bloody late for Mother to win that bet she had on for a White Christmas but never mind. If the freezing cold white stuff is still here in the morning there isn’t a snowball in hells chance of getting me outside for a pee, or Mother down Granny’s to get the papers that the shite replacement delivery service often fails to shove through the letterbox.

Mother has just answered the phone to a rather effeminate male voice which announced ‘I’m just coming past the gasometer’. Resisting the temptation to say ‘congratulations’, Mother then had to think who she knew that both sounded well in touch with his feminine side and who might be out on a tour of local gas repositories in such shit weather. Coming up blank, she sadly had to suggest that, because his fingers were about to drop off with frostbite, mystery caller had misdialled. How embarrassing……

Mother has also got a hole in her new, cheap but festive, socks. Bugger. They don’t make stuff like they used to……

So, here it is

Merry Christmas everyone 🎅🎄

I am opening my pressies So far I have had: a new Whiskas bowl, a bag of dry food, some lik-e-licks, two tubs of Lily’s treats and a stocking with toys.

Mother hasn’t started opening hers yet. Traditionally this happens after lunch. A tad unconventional. Like the Queen…..

Mother is back at work on the 5th of January, for the last hurrah of winding down before she retires. She looks forward to seeing her friends again. Although if she don’t get rid of this laryngitis, she won’t be saying much.

I think she should start practicing the sign language meself. One can never be too prepared….

Not very merry

Mother has told me that 6 people in Glasgow have died when an out of control bin lorry ran into them. This makes me really sad. You go out in the morning for a shopping trip and don’t come home. I can’t imagine how I would feel if Mother never came home again.

I am also sparing a thought for the chap driving the lorry who they say was taken ill at the wheel. How awful is he going to feel when he recovers?

I may only be a cat, but I am thinking of everyone involved. And thanks to all the professionals, first aiders and the public who responded so well…..


Mother is watching the Apprentice, where one of the finalists was thinking of calling his business ‘Climb Media’.

What a dope. The thing sounds too much like a sexually transmitted disease. ‘Give your business to Chlamydia. We are itching to help you’. What a tag-line…..

Followed by ‘we agree to discharge our responsibilities effectively’

I’m here all week folks………

Nursey, nursey

According to today’s paper, there is a shortage of British nurses, with 80% of the latest recruits coming from Spain, Portugal and Italy. This is because we aren’t training enough UK nationals to fill the gap. It apparently costs £70k to train a UK nurse, and, for this, you can import three fully trained EU nationals at £23k each.

Mother hopes that they speak fluent English, ready for when she needs care (although it could be said that some of the people born here can’t even do that properly). Mother’s Italian is limited to what she’s picked up watching Inspector Montalbano. So far, she knows hello, goodbye, thanks a lot, car and supermarket. Useful on Tesco car park, but very little use if you have an in growing toenail…..

Factoring it in

Mother is ‘watching’ the X factor with the sound turned off.

She says that it is a considerable improvement……

Beats watching Sports ‘Personality’ of the Year on BBC1. She says she’s seen more personality in a banana……

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