Thoughts of Chairman Meow

Archive for November, 2014

Life’s a ball

In Marks and Spencer they are selling something called Leighton Denny’s ball. In reality, it contains some nail polish but Mother couldn’t help asking why he hadn’t got two…….

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Ad Break

So, the Advertising Standards Authority has caught on to the advertising in some video blogs and has said that it’s naughty. In future, you apparently have to say that videos you’ve produced are glorified adverts.

I would just like to say that I’ve mentioned Royal Canin cat food several times in this blog and I have not been given any reward for it. So, I’ll try it again to see if I can get some goodies:-

“Royal Canin cat food is lovely. I eat nothing but Royal Canin cat food. If you want to stop shitting through the eye of a needle, eat Royal Canin (but only if you’re a cat, humans should try Imodium). Yum, yum”.

Other cat foods are available (but none as good as Royal Canin).

Am available for interviews and photo shoots by arrangement. Thank you…..

Hot Dog

In today’s paper, a story about a stray dog, now named Arthur, who dropped onto a group of men running a 430 mile Iron Man endurance race through Ecuador and followed them for six days, including a 36 mile trip in a kayak. Upon completion of the race, Arthur was knackered and needed lots of loving care before he recovered. Not surprised – it takes me all me time to move 430 millimetres.

Anybody else wondering how a dog came to be wombling though a rainforest??

Anyway, Arthur has now been adopted by race participant Mikael Lindnord who is taking him back home to Sweden.

Takes the ‘Man’s best friend’ thing to a whole new level……

Speedy

So Lewis Hamilton has won the Grand Prix championship and gets a lot of money and a big trophy. Just for driving round in circles…..albeit with the equivalent of a bomb up his arse.

Dave, our goldfish, swims around in circles. Why doesn’t he get a prize?…. And while we’re at it, let’s reward the dog for chasing his tail……

Turn that frown upside down

Mother has just driven past an advert which says ‘caravans make you smile’. ¬†Not if you’re stuck behind one on the M6….

Besides, Mother is also pretty sure that the  Zygomaticus muscles are partly responsible for pulling your face into a grin, along with several other branches of your 7th cranial nerve. A metal box on wheels has nowt to do with it.

Mother has just read that, contrary to popular belief, it takes more effort to smile than frown. Given that there’s not an awful lot to smile about when you work for the NHS, I suppose she should be grateful that she doesn’t have to exert herself too much…..

Dark Debacle

Mother has been into our new Marks and Spencer this morning. Boy is it depressing. Grey floors, little natural light, a food hall which looks like the black hole of Calcutta…..

She is hoping that the staff get regular breaks outside to boost their Vitamin D.

Rickets is soooooo unattractive…..

The circle of life

In today’s paper it says that if you draw a circle on the floor, a cat will go and sit in it and not move.

Have these animals no self respect? It would take more than a ring of chalk to get me to park my arse somewhere…..

A pack of wild horses might just drag me……Otherwise I’m staying on the settee……

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