Thoughts of Chairman Meow

Archive for October, 2014

So long, farewell

It is with a heavy heart that I must report the passing of Uncle George Downie, grand old man of Madeley, who slipped away at the vets after being diagnosed with an aggressive kidney tumour. Ever the gentleman, George was one of the nicest cats you could meet (after me of course).

RIP old friend, off to Rainbow Bridge to meet up with Lily. Don’t forget that you can always swipe at her with your paw if the attention gets too much……

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No time for tea

In the news today, a hospital in Leicester has banned its staff from having hot drinks on the job because patients think they are slacking.

Mother thinks that it won’t be long until nurses have to exist on fresh air, with an alphabetical rota of going to the toilet once a week – but with no bowel movements allowed because they take too long. Nurses will only be allowed to go home when they’re dead unless, of course, they have to be propped up against the wall to give the impression that staffing levels are ok.

So, ages after the Stafford Inquiry (quite correctly) slated nursing staff for not giving drinks to patients it appears to be time for management to get their own back.

Don’t go to work in Leicester unless you want to end up like a prune…..

Egg/chicken

The wonderful Germy Hunt is going round saying that if nurses were more careful, there’d be less mistakes, fewer compo claims and more money to spend on extra staff.

Mother has some choice words for this idiot:-

If there were more nurses about, patients would have more time spent with them, would be less likely to fall, get pressure ulcers or any other problem associated with the necessity for care staff to disappear up their own arses in order to get everything done…..

Get some peace

Well done to Malala Yousafzai for winning the Nobel Peace Prize. A very brave young lady.

Mother says that if they awarded it for keeping Satan from attacking every other cat in the vicinity, she would have to go and live in Stockholm to save on postage……

Shop til you drop

Tomorrow is shopping day for Granny, and, as usual, she has spent the last 24 hours compiling a very short list.

She has just asked Mother ‘how do you spell it?’ Aside from the fact that Mother does not know what ‘it’ is, the temptation to say ‘IT’ proved just to much to bear.

Sometimes the old ones are the best…..

Name that tune

Apparently, the new ‘big thing’ in boy bands on the X Factor doesn’t have a name. In this week’s Radio Times, people are being asked to suggest one.

How about Tone-deaf Tw*ts?

I very dare you, Simon Cowell……

What a surprise

Auntie Julia has got tickets to see Septic (oops Psychic) Sally at the Gatehouse in Stafford. Sally has since cancelled this performance as the theatre isn’t big enough.

Wouldn’t you have thought she could have seen that comin??

Perhaps she ain’t a psychic. She says that she predicted the news of another royal baby. Mother says she could have predicted that. After all you have to have an heir and a spare…….

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