Thoughts of Chairman Meow

Archive for September, 2014


In the evening paper yesterday, the local NHS has failed to recruit loads of district nurses, despite being given the dosh to do so. The community is now apparently desperately under staffed.

Mother says she doesn’t believe it. She always has plenty if people to work with her. There’s the imaginary friend she’s had since she was six, the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, our old friend ‘the flying pig’ , Batman, Charlie Brown and Snoopy.

Borderline schizophrenia is sometimes a blessing……


Take the high road

Mother has just been driving home through our lovely city and has noticed one of those electronic sign things, which are supposed to deliver traffic information. This one said ‘don’t litter road – take home’. Mother is now just imagining somebody trying to get a patch of the A34 through the front door…..

On a really positive note, Mother has just paid off the mortgage. The house now belongs to us and not the Nat West Bank.

Time for a small celebratory sherry methinks…….

Great Scot

Well, they voted to stop. I suppose we should feel honoured.

Mother wants to know:

Why do Scottish MPs get a say in what happens in England. Sod the buggers off to the Highlands with some shortbread and a kilt, let them build their own croft and paint their faces blue (good look pulled off by Mel Gibson methinks).

When are the English going to get free prescriptions for everybody. This would save Mother £50 a year.

When are deep fried Mars bars going to be made illegal. Everyone knows they should be kept in the fridge and then cut up into small pieces.

Typical. A potential constitutional crisis and she thinks about chocolate………

Towel dry

I have been outside this morning, keeping vigil over the small hole from which two baby rats emerged last week. I deaded ’em, but can’t believe there aren’t any more of the little buggers waiting for me to turn my back.

Mother put a bath sheet on the line to dry. This towel bashed me on the head every time the wind blew. I lay there for four hours having my hairstyle redone with every swish of the line. Did I move? Not bloody likely. I have a job to do keeping the yard free of ratses. Perseverance is my middle name.

Mother says I’m a dumbo……

Scotland the brave??

With the possible devolution of Scotland growing ever closer, I have been giving some thought to the changes which will need to be made.

Mother says that we will need to build a big wall, with machine gun turrets, to keep everybody in. Think a Caledonian version of the Berlin Wall. Well, yer makes yer bed, be prepared to stew in it. Or something like that…….

I have been thinking about the currency they will use when they lose the pound. I reckon they should use ‘the Och-eye’, which consists of 100 ‘noos’. I have already written to Mark Carney and made the suggestion. I figure he may have some influence.

Remember Scottish cousins – the oil is ours….Oh, and you won’t be able to come back to the fold if you find you don’t like independence after a few weeks.

I think that Alex Salmond is a bit like a glorified car salesman. But what would I know – I’m a cat.

Still, I wouldn’t let him near my trossachs……

I’m sad……

I’m so upset about all the dogs who lost their lives at Manchester Dogs Home. Trapped in their pens – they must have been really scared.

Thanks to all the great firemen who bravely rescued the rest of the dogs and to everybody who has rallied round to help. Mother has donated my paw-kit money to the Dogs Home Just Giving page.

Mother says that the little bastard who (allegedly) set the fire should be slowly roasted on a big spit.

The compassionate nurse has temporarily left the building……

Scot free

As a cat who basically doesn’t care less, am wondering what all the current fuss is about. Mother says that our tartan cousins are voting on whether to leave the Union. I say that they ought to be a bit careful, if you make a cock up at work, you never know when you’ll need a decent steward behind you.

Mother had just said that she thinks I am stupid……

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