Granny has just ticked off number 86 in the ‘100 complaints to have before you die’ list. She has groin strain.
Now those of you who are sporty will consider this to be in the sole domain of footballers who earn a million pounds a week, not something which affects a little old woman who says she can barely stand up. Mother thinks that Granny is possibly leading a double life….
Although common sense tells her that the closest Granny gets to a football field is watching Match of the Day….
The new tooth has arrived. After six months, the unbecoming gap in Mother’s front teeth has been filled. The wallet may be a couple of thousand pounds lighter, but the gob has been restored.
Mother has also sent for a pensions forecast, and is already looking at ways to cut the household budget to enable us to live within our future (no doubt greatly reduced) means. She is thinking of bulk buying hundreds of tins of food and non perishable goods when she can get them cheap and storing them in our back bedroom.
Think nuclear bunker without the lead lining……..
Mother has been looking back at my first ever post on this blog, on the 18th April 2011. She had over 5 years to go to retirement – now she has 827 days at the most. She is trying to get a prediction of how much she would earn if she retired this October but the Pension website thing is permanently ‘down’.
It’s a ploy to get people to give up trying and stay at work until they die…….
October is the magic month when the mortgage gets paid off and the new gob arrangement is finally paid for. And when I go back to eating Aldi’s finest because she won’t be able to afford the expensive stuff if she goes ahead with the plan.
Is Mother’s sanity worth my sacrifice?????
Following the gusts and torrential rain of the past few weeks, our chimbley is now in desperate need of repair. Problem is, half of if belongs to next door, and Mother can’t see them paying out for it (the three fence panels they said they would replace 4 years ago are now one step away from making sawdust).
Shame they will have moved by Christmas. Mother could have blackmailed them by saying she would tell the kids that Santa wasn’t coming due to Elf and Safety.
Sometimes, I am so clever and devious I amaze myself…….
Besides, I know that Santa has a magic key. Stuffing yourself down a chimbley is soooooo last century………
On the radio today, Jeremy Vine has asked listeners to e mail in to tell him their favourite portrait and explain why.
Mother has chosen ‘The Scream’.
It’s what 30 odd years in the NHS will do to ya………
Mother is ever so slightly brassed off that the television aerial has fallen off the chimney following a big gust of wind. She didn’t notice this as we watch TV via Sky. The next door neighbour imparted the bad news. Now she is in two minds whether to get it removed or to have it put back up in case Sky goes kaput. Which it does sometimes.
Talking about Sky, the HD output from the box is buggered. We need a new box. Which will be the fourth one. We can still watch the old one though, which makes Mother very pleased as not being able to sit in front of the goggle-box makes her a bit grumpy. She says it’s escapism from the stresses and strains of NHS life. I say it is because she can’t be arsed to do the cleaning.
So. next week is shaping up to be very full:
Monday am – bed pm – dentist. Tuesday – man coming to resuscitate the aerial. Wednesday – respiratory prescribing update (deep joy. If Tracy Hall sees this, Mother is really, really, really looking forward to it). Thursday – man coming to resuscitate Sky box. Friday – M & S shopping for Granny (who this week asked for corned beef slices. What would you buy?? Sliced corned beef? No, she meant corned beef pasty efforts).
In amongst all this, Mother is planning on building an ark. At the moment, wellies are not required. But you never know……..