Thoughts of Chairman Meow

Archive for August, 2013

Keep in touch

Since we swapped broadband provider, BT have refunded Mother £104. This is despite persistently putting her monthly payments up. Bastards. Don’t trust these huge conglomerates. Find another way to communicate. Two tin cans and a piece of string. Cheap beans from Aldi. You get two meals plus a makeshift phone system.

Plus there’s no telegraph pole to get struck by lightning…..


According to today’s paper, the inability to deal with stress leaves us frustrated and anxious an average of 234 times a year. 

Unless you work for the NHS – then it’s 234 days a year. That’s every day you turn up. And possibly some when you’re not there at all…….

More interesting facts

Tonight Mother has learned several things. Firstly, it would appear that some paramedics don’t know the difference between blood and water – clue – one’s usually thick and red and the other’s usually thin and clear. Secondly, some paramedics cannot recognise a wound – clue – if you think your skin’s coming unzipped you probably have one. Thirdly, never ask a senior on call doctor if she will nip round to a patient’s house to turn a light off…..

God forbid said doctor ever gets hold of the moron who suggested it.

Then the paramedics really would get to see what blood looks like…..

More shit, different day

I have been to the vets today for my booster. A very nice Australian locum pronounced me super fit and well.  Just couldn’t resist evacuating the old colon in my box again though. Cue another unwanted bath with some foul smelling stuff herself had in the bathroom. According to Auntie, you’re supposed to use Fairy Liquid. For hands that do dishes and for smelly cats arses. What an advertising slogan….

On the way back, Mother was mesmerised by the very well dressed man in the car behind who drove at least half a mile whilst excavating his left nostril.

Good job he didn’t have to do an emergency stop. He would have remodelled his face….

New Jobs

Recently, Mother went to see what the ‘Physician Associate’ role is about. To qualify for this, you need to do a 2 year course jam packed full with anatomy, physiology, ethics, psychology and other things with an ‘ology’ at the end. You also have to bankrupt yourself to do it and you only get 4 weeks holiday a year. And we thought slavery had been abolished…..

She has a few observations:

With new doctors no longer wanting to work in A & E and General Practice, and with 40% of the experienced nurses expected to have retired by 2015, you have to train somebody to do the donkey work.

Ergo, you are probably doing work that nurses have already refused to do.

It is an unregistered and unregulated role and whilst you may think you are better than nurses, at least we can prescribe. Mother doesn’t have to traipse around after a doctor. She is autonomous. You aren’t. Shove that up your pipe….

Nurses 1 – Pretentious gits 0

Just don’t get it….

Yesterday, Mother went for Basic Life Support training. Part of this involves getting familiar with the Automated Defibrillator, used when a somebody’s heart is ‘quivering’ and needs reminding that it really should beat properly. This is the one time you get to electrocute your patient legally (AKA save somebody’s life).

Mother voiced the opinion that, as a community night nurse, she hasn’t got access to a defibrillator and therefore training her to use one is a bit futile. The reply was that ‘they have them in the Co-op’.

This is daft on so many levels. The Co-op is shut at 0300. Even if it was open there is no guarantee that people will conveniently have a cardiac arrest outside the doors. Equally, you couldn’t leave the patient’s house, nip down the road, flash your divvy card, pick up the machine and drive back. By the time you’d done that the patient would have well and truly shuffled off this mortal coil.

This is why God invented ambulances. Together with the Jolly Green Giants to staff them……

Thank God for that

After three weeks in the broadband wilderness, normal service is now resumed. And about bloody time too.

This morning, I had the feline equivalent of an attack of the vapours. I was running up and down the yard like a mad thing. I must have worried Mother because she let me go to bed with her after her night shift. Result. I got another couple of hours kip in a decent bed and she didn’t sleep at all. Well – get too much sleep in the day and you won’t sleep at night….

Mother found a strange article on next door’s garage roof which may have been the cause of my problems as I do like to go up there to view the world. It was a green recycling bag with an old bird’s nest in it. Uncle Andy got it down with the aid of a stick. God knows how it got up there but it stunk to high heaven.

Sodding birds. They have got trees. Why do they feel the need to take over my space as well. And people wonder why cats eat ’em……

Bill Oddie has got a lot to answer for…..

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