Thoughts of Chairman Meow

Archive for March, 2013

Disconnected

We have been missing for a few days because British Telecom have managed to disconnect our phone line. They are digging a big hole down the road and they have successfully managed to switch everybody in the street off. It could be worse – they said we wouldn’t be back on until next Friday. Mother has been chomping at the bit planning how she should demand a rebate.

Not that Mother really cares about the phone. Most of the time, when it rings, it is somebody trying to sell you something. She has got one of these posh phones now which filters these calls out. Give it a week and it’ll be making the tea.

This week, it has been suggested that Mother should be on call all the time, just in case somebody rings in sick. She will then be expected to sort it out. Won’t tell you what she said – it’s not suitable for a family audience. Works phone is now switched on an hour before she goes to work and switched off the moment she leaves. If they really insist on her keeping it switched on, she is planning on putting it in the freezer.

As long as she doesn’t mistake it for a fish finger………..

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More stuff

Mother has been to her Dementia Awareness training today. Good idea, shame about the execution. More forms to be filled in, less time to be spent talking to the patients. Hey ho…..

The paper today reports that doctors and nurses may be paid more for being caring and compassionate. Mother thinks that on this basis there are some people who will end up owing the NHS a fortune. The paper also says that nurses get up to an 8% pay rise just for doing their job. Those of you who tuned in last week will know that Mother has had a 1% pay rise this year and we are using it to buy teabags. We demand to know where the other 7% is….

Anyway, don’t teachers, the police and the fire brigade also get paid for just ‘doing their job’. If we introduce a payment by results system for them, we’ll have firemen setting small fires all over the place just to be on the scene to put them out. I’m sure there’s a technical term for that.

Oh yes there is – arson……

Washed away

In response to the Francis report about Stafford Hospital, the Government now says that student nurses are going to have to work for a year on the wards as Health Care Support Workers before they will be allowed to carry on with their training.

Mother started her training 30 years ago (the old fart). She spent 3 years on wards washing, dressing, feeding, talking to patients and helping people to the toilet as well as studying. Then somebody changed the rules. Student nurses were there to observe. Some of them made like statues doing just that. Watching. Would have been more at home in Madam Tussaud’s NHS exhibition than on a ward.

They could write a good essay though…..

Night Owl

According to today’s paper, people who are ‘owls’ fare better in life, are more intelligent and earn more money than ‘larks’. Mother is quite pleased about this, as it is well known that she cannot get up in a morning. Of course, I am well known for not being able to get up at all.

Perhaps all these ‘owls’ earn more money because these are the only people you can get to work a night shift.

‘Larks’ are apparently better at passing exams. Mother says that this is bollocks – the only exam she has ever failed in her life has been her driving test which she may have passed first time if they had held it at midnight and chosen a route that didn’t have so many roundabouts in it….

Bored, bored, bored

Day 3 of Snow Watch and I am still stuck indoors. Mother has just been out to the bin and disappeared up to her knees in the stuff – if I tried it she says she would only be able to catch a glimpse of the tips of my ears. Which are still bad. Which is why I can’t go out.

I am currently ‘sunning’ myself in front of a halogen fire thing that Mother has resurrected from the back of a cupboard. She gets a bit scared when I do this because, with very little regard for my safety, I try to get myself to actually sit inside it. You can’t have it all roads. If it’s too cold for me to go outside, don’t complain when I shove my face into something warm.

Only two more days of the ear treatment to go, and then I will be a free cat. It still sounds ‘squidgy’ though. I suppose when it’s fixed I won’t be able to pretend I’m deaf any more.

Everything has a downside……..

From your mouth to God’s ear……

This is the second day that I have been incarcerated at home because Her Indoors thinks the snow and cold will be bad for my ears.

Assuming that God does not have the same ear infection as me and can listen to the requests of his followers, I have come up with a great idea to get rid of the snow.

Pope Frank and Archie Bish of Canterbury, as God’s nice, new shiny nominated representatives on earth could have a quiet word with him. In addition to asking for World Peace and an end to hunger and famine, please could you request that he no longer dumps large amounts of white fluffy stuff in my back yard? An immediate melting would be helpful. Let’s face it, it’s turning ice into water not water into wine which is infinitely more difficult.

Lay off the flooding though. Haven’t had time to make an Ark…….

Snow joke

It should be illegal for it to snow after the end of February. Although quite who you’d sue for it only God knows…

Her indoors won’t let me go out today. She says that I will be up to my neck in snow which will do my ear infection no good. She is still chasing me around the living room twice a day in order to clean my gunky ear and put medicine in it. I am back to the vet man on Tuesday for a check up.

Next Wednesday. Mother has to go for a dementia target update. I don’t suppose they can really penalise her if she forgets to go…..

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