Thoughts of Chairman Meow

Archive for December, 2011

Can’t you read?

About three weeks ago, the Council started advertising the revised bin collections over the Christmas holiday. They even put stickers on the tops of the bins with the new dates on. Guess what? There are bins scattered everywhere, abandoned by the bin truck which will not be calling on them for at least a week.

Can’t these people read? Some of them have got to be colour blind as well, for not only are the bins out on the wrong day, but a variety of hues are strewn all over the place. And it’s been windy. Next thing you know, the bins will be horizontal with contents spilling on the pavement. And of course we know that when the bin man cometh, he won’t bring a brush, so the stuff will stay there til it rots. Happy New Year to the rats then…………..

Speaking of reading, Mother’s spectacles are beginning to verge on the useless, unless the writing is about two foot high. If her arms grew by about 10 inches she might be OK for a bit. She is going to the optician’s next week, so that’ll be some more money gone out of the ‘Let’s feed Archie some premium cat food’ fund ………………

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Just one more thing

Just thought……………..

If you force a door off its hinges while you are holding the handle, could it be said that you are feeling a bit of a knob???

 

 

 

 

Mother didn’t do it….

Well, the great Boxing Day revels went reasonably well, apart from the tantrum thrown by one of our member, which resulted in said person leaving the building in a huff, after slamming the door of the under stairs cupboard so hard that it fell off its hinges. Mother would like to announce that she wasn’t the murderer, that dubious honour belonged to our missing guest. It’s a good job that he had left by the time of the denouement, he was in such a mood that he would have announced ‘It was me’ as soon as he read it in the booklet, and ruined the whole thing.

Uncle Andy fixed the cupboard door – that was after it nearly fell on his head. How can you successfully flounce out of a building in a huff when a door falls off in your hand? It was funny and quite tragic at the same time.

Oh, before the arrival of the guests, the microwave set on fire, filling the kitchen with toxic smoke. Uncle Andy threw said oven onto the yard where it broke into many pieces. Nearly being poisoned to death puts the behaviour of an overgrown child into some perspective, don’t you think…………

It’s party time

Tonight is the great Boxing Day murder mystery party. Who done it? Who did it? Did anybody done it? It’s anybody’s guess.

I am staying upstairs out of the way…………

Happy and Sad Christmas

Happy Christmas to all my readers. Hope Santa bought you everything you asked for.

Today’s festivities are tinged with sadness. Sweet Lily Rose has gone to Rainbow Bridge. For those of you who don’t know, let me explain:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

RIP, little one………….God Bless

Where’s Santa?

Not long to go now until the big fat man in a red suit comes to deliver my presents. Ever wondered why we tell kids to avoid strangers all year, yet encourage them to bounce on the knee of an odd old man with a beard as long as he guarantees to bring them everything their hearts desire?

Anyway, I shall be looking up at the sky tonight to see if I can catch a glimpse of the sleigh bringing me my treats and toys. I’m sure I can spend a couple of minutes out of my busy sleep schedule………………..

Gloves

Mother has spent an hour this morning looking for gloves for Granny to give to Number 1 Grand-daughter. Marks and Sparks had run out because ‘they are the ideal Christmas Gift’ – no shit Sherlock, that’s why she would quite like to buy them. BHS only have them in Prison Cell Grey – a most depressing colour that should only be worn on a visit to Strangeways. Did Mother succeed in her quest? Can’t tell yer, wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise……

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